I have been doing a lot of research on different domination tactics and thought processes. And in all of them a consistency is required when enforcing your rules on your sub. Am I the only one who finds this a bit difficult? Now, before you grab the torch and pitch-fork and call me weak hear me out! I am in love with this girl. She was my whole world before we ever picked up a rope and butt-plug. However, now I must be firm with her, tell her no, even hit her should it be required! Sometimes my rules make her unhappy, or uncomfortable. And sometimes the metaphorical angel on my shoulder (who is far more compassionate than I!) makes me feel bad for enforcing it. I look into those big green eyes and fall victim to the pouty face. However, I cannot be too lenient with her either, out of risk of being too soft and not in control enough. I know I must be harder on her, if she is to -truely- change, but I find it difficult at times. I know this will change over time, but at this stage in my own growth and training that is probably the biggest struggle I have: Being too compassionate vs. not being compassionate enough. I am working on adopting the mindset of disciplining her because I love her, and washing away societies brainwash that states we have to be equal, and that I have no right to discipline her.
I'd love to hear some feedback from other Dom's and any of my few lurkers out there!
Get out of my head. LOL! I think all Doms battle this conflict at times. Especially in the beginning it can be a hard balance. And trust me, it can literally take years to fully find yourself and fit into your niche as the Dom that you are. It's all a learning process for you as well as her. There will be highs and lows. Just know this is normal and to be expected, so don't let it deter you. The longer you go, the more comfortable you will both become with your position.
ReplyDeleteYou do need to try to remain consistent. That way she knows what to expect and knows what she can and can't do. If you begin to waiver, she will notice it and begin to try more and more to push you further. remaining steady isn't always easy, but that is the goal anyway.
DV
Thanks alot for the response! You are most certainly right. We are -very- new to things, and habits are dificult to break. But I am determined!
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely you need to be consistent and it is a struggle for all of us. You also need to remember you are new at this at well and you will make mistakes and have lapses. You're lucky though as you have pointed out she will tell you when you have lapsed.
ReplyDeleteThe real trick is not being perfect but how you deal with it when you are not. Admit your mistake and apologize JUST ONCE then carry on as you should be as if nothing happened. You perhaps beat yourself up for a while or have second thoughts but you must try to not let her see that. Consistency in how she sees you is more important then consistency of actions.